Monday, July 13, 2015

Writers Central: With Our Words (Part 1)

One thing I remember my sister said to me about love was, "Love is unfair. It doesn't give you the chance to breathe or think straight, yet it lures you in so fast in the beginning and flops you down like a rotten sack of potatoes after it's sick of you. Yeah. Unfair."

Joe and I met at prom. Typical. It was junior year of middle school and we thought since we were at a corner sipping fruit punch alone, that we'd blend in with the crowd, maybe get lost for a few seconds and find a piece of enjoyment to what the others say was the Event of The Year. To me, the science fair was the event of the year because Prof. Tucker was there to discuss some sub-atomic neutron sample that he was working on. Damn, it was a good forum. Anyway, prom, to me, was a waste of time and money, yet, I was forced to attend by my "loving" sister Casey. She believes that moments like prom and school dances is what gets you lucky. And by lucky, she meant snagging guys. I was pretty "lucky" during prom, coz Joe was there and he's not saying no.

As we danced with the others, I noticed Joe wasn't so much of a recluse as first impressions allowed. In fact, Joe was pretty chatty. Compared to recluse and chatty to a degree, a few phrases could definitely pass up as chatty. And boy, can he talk about books and TV shows and fictional characters. And at that moment he told me, "I know this seems weird, but this sort of reminds me of The Perks of Being A Wallflower... You are the Sam to my Charlie right now." If he was anymore cuter, I might've died.

From that point on, we were inseparable, until we got to high school. I thought for sure that the two of us would trail off away from each other since new people and environment, but I guess we got really lucky. However, I began to wonder that I don't really, exactly and truly know what we are to each other, relationship wise. Then one day, around the end of freshman year, he ended up in a relationship with Tanya Schilling. 

Tanya Schilling is like the goddess among freshmen. Walk through the halls next to her, your existence won't be felt. You'll feel erased from the universe. It's an exaggeration I know, but Tanya was just crazy gorgeous. Her olive skin and amazing green eyes, complement her dark, soft hair and her teeth sparkle like diamonds when she smiles. Rumor has it she actually has a molar made of one. Anyway, hearing that Joe was dating Tanya was absurd to many, including me. Seeing them being all lovey-dovey in the cafeteria, just put the icing on the towering cake. 

Sophomore year was a depressing time for me. Other than the fact that Joe almost forgot that I existed, my Mom and Dad decided to settle on a divorce, saying their differences has just gotten much out of them and that maybe being far from each other could save them the trouble of hurting each other physically.

Casey seemed cool with it. She insisted that both of them provide good points, while I was totally against it. But I couldn't do anything otherwise. I gave up after a few weeks. Mom was gone. She said she would like to stay at Aunt Jane's place. We let her be and stayed with Dad.

He was fine with the whole divorce thing but we could tell that he wasn't big on the whole "The Daughters Are Left To Their Dad To Take Care Of" deal. He's more like the office man, away and not really caring about what happens inside the house. Casey and I were left to deal with each other, with chores and who's gonna change the channel. Then she got herself a boyfriend and is practically attached to him like a leech, so poor ol' me was left to her own devices, thinking, "Man, alone. Again. Bummer." I decided that if I did not want to suffer the cobwebs of loneliness, I'd have to make connections.

One way of making friends was joining clubs, but I didn't really see the charismatic factor of socializing with people, cramped inside another room like you're particularly in class. Unless you're in the athletics clubs of course. And while Tanya Schilling flaunted her gorgeous legs in cheer squad, I thought I was only left with the choices of either Literature or Softball Club. Though was pretty decent at softball, I couldn't risk breaking my too-skinny legs. Literature it was.

Literature Club sucked. And by sucked, I mean, with my agenda of making friends, the kids in this club are way too stuck-up and constantly stuck their noses on a book, reading. There's a rule that there'll be a discussion of what book you've read once a month and that's it. You may choose not to show up to the clubroom or do, but at least show up for the discussion. If you do show up on a day when it's not discussion time, it's best you don't talk because everyone is reading. I should've went for softball.

In the midst of however poor my choices were, came the chance I never thought I was actually wanting for a long time: To talk to Joe again. He also happened to be in the Literature Club, which then I thought, Oh yeah, duh! But then fear started crawling up my legs and zipping my mouth shut. What to say? It's been too long since I last talked to him. And only coz he ended up dating Tanya.

"Hey Cara!". We were already out from the hellish Literature clubroom and I tried hard to run for it but my eyes darted at Joe, who is running after me. I swear, my tear ducts were malfunctioning. I just wanted for everything to go back to the way it was. But it might be too much to ask.

"Hi, Joe."I said meekly. He just stared at me, like he used to with his soft, mellow eyes. 

"How have you been? We haven't talked in a while." He fiddled with the cover of his book. I could tell he's nervous. Like myself, he's been too passive with this whole "I Should Talk To You" thing. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. School. Home. Nothing much. How are you and Tanya coming along?" I must be asking for a friendship death wish. We've never talked about Tanya. Of course, coz we never talked after she came along.

"She's cool and sweet. Never thought we'd last this long." he said.

As much as I want to practically tell him what a huge joke his relationship with Tanya is, I couldn't. Maybe there is something between them that I couldn't actually break.

"We should hang out again, you know. We haven't done that in a while. I miss you." he continued.

I wanted to hug him tightly, say something to comfort myself from this whole situation. But I could never tell if there was any proper place for me in his life anymore, at least, in his current situation. I held the strap of my backpack tighter, hugged the book I carried to my chest to protect my heart and said, "I missed you too. Maybe sometime."

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